Tractatus Amores-Nuptias
(Apologies to L. Wittgenstein. He died in 1951, so he won’t object.)
Dear Sarah,
1. I want to
marry you. I believe you want to marry
me.
1.1 People always say, when asked, that they
want to marry because they are in love.
1.11 I have told you
I love you. You have said the same to
me.
1.2 Unless we are deceiving ourselves
(unfortunately, people are good at that), we are in love.
1.21 I don’t think
we are deceiving ourselves.
2 Being in
love is rarely a sufficient reason for getting married.
2.1 Suppose Jesus
asked us, “Why should I give you permission to marry?”
2.2 Our answer should be: Our marriage would
advance Kingdom purposes (maybe only in small ways, but we are ordinary
people).
2.21 Our marriage would give my grandchildren a
grandmother, which will help them grow up as they should. It would give your grandchildren a
grandfather, which could also be a good thing.
2.22 If we were married, I could encourage and
support your ministry in GRM and Thrive.
2.221 Quite likely, you will discover further
ministry opportunities at Newberg Friends Church.
2.3 If we were married, you could encourage
and support my ministry as professor, writer, preacher, and church official.
3 My love for
you is not purely spiritual or intellectual.
3.1 You are
pretty, and I like your smile.
3.11 I greatly enjoy
your kisses.
3.2 You have
really nice legs.
3.3 Some things
can be left unsaid at this point.
4 Companionship
is a great good in marriage.
4.1 We know that
we enjoy doing things together.
4.11 Driving to Crater Lake, watching Kaleb’s
soccer match, running & biking together, going for walks, watching baseball
(on tv) and attending worship together are all good activities we have enjoyed.
4.2 We know ourselves well enough to predict
we could enjoy many other activities in the future.
4.21 Driving to the coast, watching GFU sports
(in person), attending concerts, visiting our children and grandchildren, reading
aloud, spending silent time together, hiking at Champoeg (or other parks),
going to Europe with students, attending lectures, and many other such
opportunities lie before us.
5 Partnership
is also a great good in marriage.
5.1 We will not have more children, but we
will be partners together in advising our children and grandchildren.
5.11 We will rejoice
together in the successes of our children and grandchildren.
5.2 We will
probably buy a house together.
5.21 We will
decorate together. (Mostly I will put
things where you tell me.)
5.22 We will care for our lawn, flowers, hot tub,
trees, vehicles, and many other things together.
5.3 I can be a “junior partner” in your
projects by encouraging you. You can do
the same for me and my projects (e.g. reading and criticizing things I write).
5.4 We will weep together when losses
come. We both know that losses
inevitably come.
5.41 I will be there for you when you go to
hospital. You can do the same for me.
6 Friendship
is perhaps the greatest good in marriage.
6.1 Friends share
common interests.
6.2 Friends delight in showing each other new
good things or new aspects of things.
Friends often say to each other: Look at that! Isn’t it fine?
6.21 We both like the natural beauty of
Oregon. We like visiting foreign
countries. We like reading, and you will
like some of the books I like.
6.22 We like music of many sorts (but not
rap). We like food from many cultures
(but not liver).
6.23 We will delight in discovering new good
things.
6.3 We have already learned, independently,
that Jesus is the bedrock foundation of a good marriage. Jesus is the most important of our common
interests.
6.31 We have, and we
will, in many ways, point to Christ and say: Isn’t He fine?
7 I anticipate
a good marriage, founded on Christ, and open to joy.
Will you marry me?
Much love,
Phil
I read this letter to Sarah in June. She said yes!
